January 2013

Today, I looked at my phone and sat there staring at the date in wonder how it's already January 2013. Time moves too quick and swift sometimes, which I wish it didn't. It's been somewhat a good year. Bila renung satu persatu, banyak yang indah daripada sedih. Well at least I'd prefer to count the good times rather than the bad ones. It's nice to finally mean it when I say I'm fine. In just a blink, I'm going to school as a form five student. This is the final year and everything I do this year will be the last thing I do in school. Back then, I wanted to get high school over and done with so bad but now that I'm here, I don't have that feeling of anticipation. Instead, I feel sad. 

On a not so different note, I have changed a lot these past few years. You see, back then in 2011, I was someone else. As I grew up, I myself realize that some things in my life need to change. My mind changes, I am no longer assume the worst of someone before actually getting know them like I did back when I got into my new class last year. My personality changes, my music preferences change and almost all the things just don't stay the same. My cat died a couple months ago, I prefer wearing tudung bawal than shawl these days, I love wearing baju kurung. What I'm trying to say is, nothing ever stays the same.

Thank you 2012 for whispering to me daily that I will get through the year and helping me get up everyday. Thank you to the friends that I still have. Thank you to the friends that I made last year. Thank you to the friends that left. Because without these things, I wouldn't be what I am today and I probably wouldn't see what I see now and I probably wouldn't realize things I do now. I don't really make resolutions because I myself am not sure what to expect of the year so I don't want to fail myself. And for me, things I plan don't go as good as I want them to compared to the things that I don't plan. So yeah I don't really actually plan out everything. I don't want to raise expectations and as I have said, I hate failing myself. 

Thank you God for allowing me to live to see 2013.