Depressed

Back then in 2012, I wanted to be in the second class of pure science so bad. I was so devastated when I didn't managed to get into that class last year. The only thought that crossed my mind when I got into the third class of pure science was "Today opened my eyes. I should know by now that I am never good enough and I guess, never will be." One of the reasons why I was so devastated back then is because most of my form three classmates managed to get into the second class and the first class of pure science. A friend of mine managed to cheer me up though. I remember he said "That's why lah rukun iman ada percaya pada Qada' dan Qadar. Rezeki kita lain lain, best believe He knows better." 

And now, when I finally managed to get into the second class of pure science this year, I kinda devastated too. Don't judge. I don't even know why I don't feel excited when I finally get what I always wanted. At some point, it's good to be in this class because I can say that almost all the students take a serious matter in studies. But then, I can't bear to see my place being replaced by someone else. I have had enough of seeing my place being replaced by someone else and all I can do is pretend that I am fine with that. I have had enough of hearing "Don't worry, even we are in the different class, we can still be friends like we used to" and it's funny how those people who said that to me are the ones who left. I have had enough of having the thoughts "I used to be in that place. I used to make them laugh" in my head.

This time, my mum managed to cheer me up though. Seeing her happy just because I got into that class makes me happy too. I mean who doesn't? I know this may sound cheesy but I'm still saying this; Selagi ada nyawa, seluruh daya kan ku pastikan kau gembira.

I am afraid that we will forget this.