A 17 year old girl that writes the way she talks. - Qaisara Afiqah

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

It's like Waiting For A year To Pass

"Nothing beats the 'Ya Allah Alhamdulillah syukur aku dapat straight As / banyak As bila ambil result PMR nanti.' Nothing."

I feel weird. I'm bored. There's so much in my mind but yet words fails me. Sigh. Anyway, results are coming out on this Thursday. The candidates can pick those bloody results up starting on 10 am but I think I'll pick it up at like say, 11ish or so.

Worried sick for Science because I totally fcked up Paper 1. I guess everyone will know how we did in PMR, in another 2 days. Chill people chill. Haha poyo ah suruh orang lain chill tapi diri sendiri cuak. It's like waiting for a year to pass, you know. I had been thinking about nothing other than what is going to happen on this Thursday this whole day. If I get Straight A's, I'm going to scream. If I don't, I'm going to scream too obviously and then lock myself in the room and be an emo bitch hopefully with no sharp obejcts near me or I will surely cut myself to death *hahaha joke*. I had been like playing the moments that I'll recieve the slip in my head for a thousand times.

I should stop counting days till PMR result day because it is gonna be released. No matter how scared we are.

I have these mood swings sometimes. I will be happy for five minutes then I’ll be freaking sad another five minutes. And it goes on and on like that. Meluat jugak la bila jadi macam tuh. Huh. Self-esteem is another thing that I have a problem with. Self-esteem can be affected by your achievements, the way you look at yourself, the way others look at you, and sometimes even your appearance may affect your self-esteem. You must have confidence in yourself to have high self-esteem.

Well, I generally have confidence in myself but sometimes my self-esteem tend to get very low. Not all the times but it still bothers me. I tend to over-analize myself which is soo not healthy. I’ll be like I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not a good daughter, I’m not a good friend, I don't know how to mix with people, I don’t know this, that and the list just goes on and on. Healthy? Yeah right.

Yes, people can say I’m this and that. I’ll believe them for a few seconds and that’s it. Yeah I know I’m annoying but just keep on reading cause you know you ain’t be able to stop reading anyway. I should just believe in myself, because if I don’t believe in myself in the first place, how do I expect the others to believe in me?

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